Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Taste of Morgan Hill-Revised

It was an early Saturday afternoon in Morgan Hill, the sun already beating down onto the asphalt streets. People were milling around some looking relaxed, some with content expressions on their faces, others just looked liked they were having fun with their friends. It was the Taste of Morgan Hill. It has taken place in the streets of downtown Morgan Hill for over 30 years now.  This event is for the vendors, citizens, and outsiders of Morgan Hill. Nina Grimm commented that "It is a fun relaxing time to run into people that you have not seen in a while, and also look at what all of the stores have to offer." The vendors stretch out under the old downtown of Morgan Hill under the shade of the old trees that line the midsection and sidewalks of downtown. A young family walks by the vendors stopping occasionally to see what odds and ends interest them. Their is something for everyone, a jump house for young kids, clothing for the women and cars for the men.
Herb Billings has lived in Morgan Hill for twelve years and has been coming to the Taste of MOrgan Hill for all twelve of those years. He always bring his 1969 GMC/Chevy Cadillac. It is a baby blue color and it is as long as two Honda Civics put together. Billings commented that he, "Loves to come here every year and look at all the other cars in the festival and talk to the other men who enjoy the mechanics of how the mechanics work." This festival brings people together that have an admiration for something old and beautiful.
It is also said that the Taste of Morgan Hill is god for the community. Emily Bailon noted "It allows vendors to advertise, it gets our name out into the Bay Area, it is also a fun and relaxing time for families to get out, and also just something different to do for the weekend." The festival allows certain products that are only produced in Morgan Hill. Their is a certain rock only found in Morgan Hill, it is called the Poppy jasper rock, it a reddish color with orange, yellow, and black streaks running through it. Their is a brewery, El Toro named after the Mountain in Morgan Hill, that has named their beer after that and therefore you can only find Poppy Jasper in Morgan Hill. 
James Grimm said "This festival is a way for organizations to reach out to the community, the citizens are able to be more involved in their community, and the community can grow closer."
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1 comment:

camccune said...

This is better, but it still needs work.

Your lead starts with the "when" and "where" -- which you are not supposed to do, remember?

Now that you've added more description, you need to get more focused about how you're using it. You need to make sure you're "showing" me those details, not just telling me about them.

For example, saying that people are "milling around some looking relaxed" is telling me. But saying that Billings' Caddy is "a baby blue color and as long as two Honda Civics put together" is showing. That works.

Also, you need to make sure your description supports and advances your story. I think you've got some details here just for the sake of having details...and that's going too far the other way.

You need more, shorter paragraphs. Make each quote its own paragraph.

You also need to look up quote format. This is not correct:

Billings commented that he, "Loves to come here every year and look at all the other cars in the festival and talk to the other men who enjoy the mechanics of how the mechanics work."

If you didn't write this quote down exactly as he said it, then drop the quote marks and paraphrase it, like this:
Billings says he loves to look at all the other cars in the festival and talk to other men about the mechanics.

It is also said that...says who? I don't want hearsay.

35+4=39/50

October 30, 2008 at 6:47 PM

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